On the Seventeenth Day of Christ*&^%$

On the Seventeenth Day of Christ&^%$, Tiz reveals to you...

I weigh myself every day.

Tonight is the Mike Errico Holiday Show at Joe’s Pub. The reason I’m telling you is there is a grab bag called Holiday Omen and the next day, absolutely every time, something amazing happens to me. He's a prophet. And he sings like an angel. Mike’s a prophet angel. You should go.

When I get drunk I steal things. I try to stay out of jewelry stores.

I saw a body pulled out of the Central Park reservoir. Really.

I pogo-sticked for 30 minutes straight.

It’s been so long since I cleaned behind my refrigerator I’m afraid the headline would read, “TiZ Cleans Behind Refrigerator—Jimmy Hoffa Found.”

At this point I believe the only appropriate response to a loved one’s passing is “I’m so sorry. That sucks. Sucks.”

When my nephew Kyle was born I grew another heart just for him.

Hospitals piss me off. I think if they do a surgery and the surgery actually ends up killing you, then you shouldn’t have to pay. A “pay as you exit” policy as it were.

If I don’t eat enough, often enough, and my blood sugar level drops, I am a raving bitch.

I sang “Ride the Chariot” at the top of the East Staircase in Grand Central with the Yale Glee Club. Such a cool venue.

I was one of a handful of people who witnessed Carly Simon’s first public appearance in years in…guess where…Grand Central. It was the same week I booked Beauty and the Beast, recorded a lead role for Atlantic Theatre Records and downed a whole bottle of Dom Perignon all by myself on Alec Baldwin’s tab at the King Cole Bar. Oh, he was there…and lovely…just not drinking.

That was a good week.

My brother, sister and I pass a bottle of Andre’s Cold Duck between as a gift and good luck totem. Living large, I tell you.

Graduation from high school I downed an entire bottle of Andre’s Cold Duck in 15 minutes. My mother discovered me three hours later asleep on the bathroom floor. No, not passed out. Resting comfortably.

I love heights and once scaled a building employing only an old fire hose.

I loved to fingerpaint with my poop. Gimme a break…I was little. And very creative.