Monday, December 14, 2009

On the Fourteenth Day of Christ*&^%$

On the Fourteenth Day of Christ&^%$, Tiz reveals to you...

I have the soul of a thirteen-year-old gay boy. David Shire thought I picked a traumatic year. I DIDN’T PICK IT…IT PICKED ME.

Since Eddie Izzard thinks he is a male lesbian, and because our names would sound brill together, I think we should meet. I think we should date. I believe the universe must be off its access as this has not happened yet.

I worry that Eddie would find me thinly read and a snooze-bucket. After all, I don’t have an English accent and therefore I am NOT lovely.

In the 80s I almost gave a palm reader $200 to “hold onto” so my luck would change.

I believe luck is a talent.

I thought the Holy Ghost was a friend of Casper.

One of my agents recently called me conservative. This freaked me no end. I believe I might have a somewhat lady-like, educated, perhaps elegant air…even when farting...but conservative? Please respond.

I think it’s okay to smoke pot (medicinal ONLY of course) but cigarettes piss me off.

I sat next to the globe in geography class. I got an A. I know NOTHING about geography.

My daily sobbing so upset my second grade teacher, she threw a roll of tape at me and had to take the rest of the day off.

My hair is long for the first time in more than a decade because I wanted to have long hair again before I get old and die.

I used to have a knack of falling in love with my boyfriends' best friends. Oopsy daisy.

I have been known to dream of being an only child.

My mother is fading quickly. It is daunting to witness. (DON’T READ THIS, NANA, although I'm pretty sure you know.)


  1. At least one best friend of a former boyfriend fell in love with you, too. And remains so.

  2. A little Izzard for you:

  3. If Eddie thinks he’s a male lesbian and you think you should date him, why don’t you just sleep with a lesbian? It appears simpler and I’m sorry my dear, he doesn’t qualify.
    You are not a snooze bucket, but who am I to judge.
    I loved Casper but it didn’t help with the red eye that was in my closet
    Your long hair is beautiful. Never had the patience to grow mine
    Once I gain weight, it becomes like booze….wish I was thin
    Wish I had the spine of a young person. (It hurts right now).
    Used to think drinking and driving was a hobby (that was my previous life)
    Used to think gossiping about other people was funny….ouch
    Still beat myself up for the past. It creeps and pounces when I least expect it
    I enjoy reminding people about hope and that they can do anything if they want to.
    I have trouble realizing my potential…
    Wish I could cut my hair off. Would have been more fashionable when my sister n law was going through chemo.
    Did I say I love my dogs? I love my dogs. Niki too


  4. bring it ON, anonymous. thank you for being sweet. sweet sweet sweet.

    and beth...just don't like girls like that. 13 year old gay boys like boys...

  5. First of all, you've got a beautiful soul and Eddie Izzard should be so lucky.

    Second, never grease a Palm Reader's palm ... hmmm

    Third, luck is made and therefore definitely a talent.

    Fourth, they should legalize pot and outlaw cigarettes.

    Fifth, my hair was at it's shortest since 1980 during Titanic. I love my long hair, (fortunately, so does Patti.)

    Sixth, I've watched my Mom go from homeschooling my son, to worrying about people coming out of the walls in the last 20 months. My heart aches for you.

    Seventh, it depends on how your agent meant "conservative". Perhaps he wasn't speaking politically? Dunno. That's my 3 cents worth.

  6. You know it's ON.:-)


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