On Being in the Business of Show

BEFORE YOU SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE, realize that you are signing away your rights to live where you want, when you want, do what you want to do, go where you want to go, get married AND most likely have children. You’ll work hours few others can imagine. Kiss away holidays. Say hello to judgment…and, most likely, a cat. Take a gander at the old folks who hang out in the mid-town telephone and toilet (Actors Equity Association Lounge on 46th and Broadway, 2nd floor…for you civilians) making pirate hats from newspapers. If a life upon the wicked stage still appeals to you, PLAY BALL!*

And I have played ball...a lot of ball…until recently. Honest to God, I think my career’s in the crapper. I sang in something called an Entertainium in the Catskills the other night.


You don't believe me?

Nobody puts baby in the corner!!

I am supposedly now an honorary Hebe from the Hood.

I believe the definition of Entertainium is entertainment crapper. The ball has officially fallen in the Entertainium. I have been back for three weeks and two days and although I have sung in the retirement community equivalent of Grossinger's, I have not had one audition. Not ONE! Have my agents forgotten me? Are there that few auditions? Is it because I’m fat? DON’T ANSWER THAT! Is it because my skill set is so limited? I’ve learned to play the ukulele for chrissake. Maybe because I’m in late my 40s? Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me.

At least I don’t have a cat.

Yet…



*Excerpted from another tiny tome. I have time to write tiny tomes because MY CAREER IS IN THE ENTERTAINIUM!