The Issue of My Druthers

Yes, if I had my druthers I would be back on the Way of Broad. But there are issues, probably best voiced by Kitty in The Drowsy Chaperone…

“Mr. Feldzieg, I can be your leading lady. You said it yourself—I’m useless in the chorus.”

And people would laugh. And I wouldn’t know why…akin to watching the movie As Good as It Gets and wondering why people laughed when Jack Nicholson counted his steps and/or refused to step on the cracks in the sidewalk. Who wants to break their mother’s back? What if the crack opened up and you fell all the way to China? Your back would probably break too

Okay…back to the Kitty quote. I don’t find it funny ‘cause it’s true. True. True. True. There may be truth in comedy, but sometimes there's no comedy in truth. I don’t gots what it takes for that chorus gig. That's a skill set I am sadly lacking. It was made so evident by cast members in my last gig. There they were…dancing, leaping, cooter-slamming, tapping, roller-skating, tumbling…and hitting their marks (bastards).

And there I was…wandering, cracking-wise and belting my tits off. I am now flat as a pancake.

What DO I have going for me? A voice that rarely ends, a knack for accents, a teensy bit of tap, piano and uke, a body that moves generously through space, and an unbridled inability to be anything but myself…which is supposedly akin to watching a train wreck.

Which is why I need to be a leading lady. On the Way of Broad.

Anybody need a train wreck?

Anybody?

Call me…1(800) TIT-LESS