living

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.

Angela Monet

Why Did I Think It Would Get Easier?

My friend Terry took his whole life (meant to write "own life" but "whole" works) on this date last year. Have I confined myself to my couch for 5 days with random trips to the fridge for TaB and stinky meats and cheeses again? No. Did I hurt like the dickens when I woke up this morning? Yes. Did I go back to sleep only to wake up and hurt like the dickens again? Yes. Did I go back...I won't tell you how many times that happened.

Tomorrow I climb a mountain in his honor. Those of you who know I missed a performance the other night because of an asthma attack might think this is a bad choice. But I will have inhaler on hand as well as clean mountain air. The climb is both an homage to Terry's final destination and...and...a tribute to Terry and the mountains he helped me scale for 28 years.

And good exercise so when I see him again he won't slam my slice of pound cake (slathered with chocolate sauce and whipped cream) on my thighs, all the while gleefully declaring, "Might as well manually apply it, Tizzy."

I love you. I miss you.

art

Art is science in the flesh. - Jean Cocteau

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead...

...is a phrase I have employed on numerous occasions.

I also believe it is a phrase I should retire at the tender, blossoming age of 47...JUST BECAUSE OF THE WAY I LOOK WHEN I FOLLOW THAT MAXIM.

I look like death. Not even warmed over. Cold, slimy, limp death... a touch dehydrated.

Don't know WHY I was tired. 8 shows in 5 days, followed by a drive to Phoenix, immediately followed by a drive and 37 hours in Vegas, immediately followed by a drive back to Phoenix in a HAIL STORM, immediately followed by a meet and greet, followed by shopping, followed by a 10 out of 12 and then followed by 6 performances (and 6 workouts) in 4 days, including an opening night party that included an after party that included swimming at 2 am. I probably would have been fine if I hadn't then somewhat moderated a talk back with some glorious senior citizen. (There were no mics so the poor press kid didn't stand a chance with the surly seniors.) I believe THAT is when I shot my wad.

Because I fell asleep onstage the final performance of the week.

Honest to Jesus, "Who am I? Where am I? Is this a book musical?" sleep.

And then I slept and watched movies and re-runs of Law and Order, SVU for 48 hours.

Today I feel pretty good. I died and I slept. Today I am living. We'll see how the rest of this week goes.

I'm a Pro-Masturbatory Witch...

and I went to Yale.

I'm me.

Christine O'Donnell didn't...and she thinks she's you.

Oh, Ben!

Oh, Ben! I know what you did last summer!

You think by hitting the delete button I won't see the little love letter you wrote? These blogs send their authors email updates when people comment.

"Ben has left a new comment on your post "Der Spaziergang by Marc Chagall":

A man much harder than you created that. Wikipedia Marc Chagall. He was Jewish in Europe in World War 2. Adversity enlightens, so I'll just assume your asshole trying to be Billy Badass. Too bad you don't know how to fight."

It was a really sweet email to wake up to, Bitch.*

I know who Marc Chagall is. And no, I'm not hard. Never have been.** Did you mean "heartier?"

You AsSume a lot. Yes, I do have an AsShole but neither it nor I have ever tried to be Billy BadAsS. I'm a pixie-faced pinhead and my AsShole is...well...just my AsShole. It does its job pretty well...most of the time.

So does my pixie-faced pinhead.

What concerns me about your comment, Ben, is...well...a number of things.

1. You actually played the Holocaust card*** on my blog. (That's what you meant by World War II. You had to because Marc Chagall was in the States for more of World War II than he was in Europe.)

2. You seem to find the Holocaust enlightening.

3. You think enlightenment makes a person hard and a fighter.

4. Your grammar is crap.

But really. What do I know, Ben? I don't know you, so who am I to comment?

Okay. That was fun. Have a nice day, Ben.

*Remember...never end a sentence with a preposition.

**But I was DRUNK when I retorted to the comment that Marc Chagall's painting was "GGGGAAAAAYYYY!" If we're all into AsSumptions today, I'm AsSuming you found that particular comment enlightening.

***And that's what it is when thrown down like this. When you write of genocide, and you will, don't use it to diss a trifle called TIZ AND ASS.

do

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. - Theodore Roosevelt

pleasure and pain

There is no pleasure without some degree of pain. There is no pain without some amount of pleasure. - Bhante Henepola Gunaratana,

Photo of the Week

Eggcentric

h/o/t BP

starving

Feel that you have enough, and your sense of hunger will diminish.

- Barbara Ann Kipfer

change

Nothing is ever over, it's just over there. -Carrie Fisher

friendship

It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?--Monty Python

Where in the World is TiZ and AsS

United States (US)	1,702
United Kingdom (GB)	82
Australia (AU)	43
Canada (CA)	31
Germany (DE)	27
India (IN)	27
France (FR)	20
Saudi Arabia (SA)	18
New Zealand (NZ)	8
Sweden (SE)	8
Egypt (EG)	7
Pakistan (PK)	7
Indonesia (ID)	7
Philippines (PH)	7
Italy (IT)	7
South Africa (ZA)	6
Ireland (IE)	6
United Arab Emirates (AE)	5
Turkey (TR)	5
Netherlands (NL)	5
Algeria (DZ)	5
Singapore (SG)	5
Malaysia (MY)	5
Qatar (QA)	3
Taiwan (TW)	3
Spain (ES)	3
Poland (PL)	3
Morocco (MA)	3
Russian Federation (RU)	3
Slovenia (SI)	3
Mexico (MX)	3
Europe (EU)	3
Switzerland (CH)	3
Romania (RO)	2
Tunisia (TN)	2
Iraq (IQ)	2
Serbia (RS)	2
Hungary (HU)	2
Slovakia (SK)	2
Jordan (JO)	2
Thailand (TH)	2
Denmark (DK)	2
Yemen (YE)	2
Argentina (AR)	2
Norway (NO)	2
Israel (IL)	2
Lithuania (LT)	2
Croatia (HR)	2
Kuwait (KW)	2
Finland (FI)	1
Brazil (BR)	1
Czech Republic (CZ)	1
Ukraine (UA)	1
Kenya (KE)	1
Ghana (GH)	1
Mali (ML)	1
Bahrain (BH)	1
Netherlands Antilles (AN)	1
Barbados (BB)	1
Guam (GU)	1
Honduras (HN)	1
Martinique (MQ)	1
Sudan (SD)	1
Venezuela (VE)	1
Iran, Islamic Republic of (IR)	1
Greece (GR)	1
Georgia (GE)	1
Colombia (CO)	1
Korea, Republic of (KR)	1
Senegal (SN)	1
Japan (JP)	1
Benin (BJ)	1
Cote D'Ivoire (CI)	1

I love this list. I have my little TIZ and AsS influence all OVER the world. Okay, they may only visit once. Okay, if they're from Arab-influenced countries where TiZ means hoo-hoo, they're thinking they're going to get something they definitely don't get. Okay, I actually don't recognize two of the countries at ALL. Guess which ones. Okay, I wish that the Chinese were allowed access.

But just LOOK. Me be happy weaving my interwebs all around the globe.

Should I do an entire post in Espiranto so everyone can understand?

kind words

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. - Mother Teresa

The Objectification of Betty White

This past year has seen a lot of the delicious, soon to be nonagenarian, Betty White.

And almost everything and everyone has her talking about sex.

STOP IT!

The most distressing was Saturday Night Live. Yes, she won an Emmy (as well she should have since she was running around by a 16 year old, revived their ratings and was brilliant), but the majority of the sketches were about sex. And it became EXHAUSTING. And we know I ain't no prude. At ALL.

I saw another movie recently where virtually every one of her scenes was about sex and or being randy at her age and I just wanted to yell, "STOP IT!" but I couldn't because my friend who was in the movie was two seats away. Plus, as we all know, it's really not nice to yell in the movie theater. Sometimes I do it anyway. Yes, sometimes I'm Rudy MdRuderson.

Okay...back to the point. I know everyone needs to get a gimmick, but Betty doesn't. This was one of the first women on tv, and the very first who had creative control over content.

That's why her final skit on SNL with Tina Fey was so absolutely brilliant. It was a delicious, clever, mind-fuck game between two ginormously talented women.

And it wasn't about sex.

Sex is the easy way. We can do better than that for Betty. We can honor her.

Can't we?

eternal nothingness

Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed for it.

- Woody Allen

pigtails and inkwells

Without our pigtails, the boys have nothing to dip in the inkwells...other than their dicks.--TiZ

AAAAAAAAAARGH!

A colleague of mine is fucking with me. I'd call Shim a friend but since Shim de-friended me on the Book of Face I can't do that anymore. Can't even call Shim an acquaintance.

And what kind of friend fucks with you?

Obviously, one who's been demoted to colleague.

But this time, out of the blue, months later, Shim involved a mutual friend...putting me in a position where I could hurt them. I didn't because the MF is miraculously cool (and 'twixt you and me, my 28 Bleaders, a bit whackadoodle) but it was close.

I don't need this. I don't need help. As we (you, my 28 Bleaders and I) know, I can do enough damage all on my very own, with a curtsy and a smile, thank you very much.

Aaaaaargh.

One less Christmas card to send, methinks.

Expectations

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.--Monty Python

Aunt Flo

If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?--Gloria Steinem