On the 22nd DaY of TiZmas

On the 22nd DaY of BaXmas, BaX barks up for you...

I'm baaaaaaaaaaark...


My name was MaX with my other family

Because there were so many Maxes at the Humane Society when I went in, the FrontDeskHuman named me BaXter

After ANCHORMAN

They told MyHuman she could rename me AGAIN but she figured I had been through enough

MyHuman's human puppies often ask if they can punt me off a bridge or ask me how the wheel of cheese was and are surprised when I speak Spanish

I don't speak Spanish

I am racist

MyHuman is mortified by this

I'm also sizeist

MyHuman understands this

I miss the chaise longues that I could bounce on and fly over

However the couch from Fantine's dressing room has a nice high back where I can perch and mush the cushion and keep watch over all

Sometimes MyHuman accidentally leaves the bathroom door ajar

Sometimes I dine on everything from the garbage can

Q tips are a delicacy

Q tips makes my poo look like braids

Sometimes when MyHuman accidentally leaves the bathroom door ajar I accidentally lock myself in

To get back at the universe for being so unfair I shred the toilet paper roll

MyHuman doesn't seem to like any of this...AT ALL

If someone rings our bell or buzzer I answer back loud and long...after all they are far away...maybe 6 floors down or even through the door

If anyone answers I don't know because MyHuman kisses me and puts me in the bedroom where I yell and yell til she lets me out.  By then the bell buzzer is gone but I try to chase them through the door anyway

Like MyHuman, I never get hoarse