Woke Up This Morning

At 11:11.

Really. And I laughed because I could think of nothing but the Rufus lyrics...(with an itty bitty bastardization)

Woke up this morning at 11:11

Wasn't in Phoenix and I wasn't in heaven

Could have been either by the way I was feeling

And I was alive and kicking.

Through this cruel world

Holding a notion of you at 11:11

Tell me what else can I do

What else can I do?

Woke up this morning and something was burning

Realized that everything really does happen in Manhattan

Thoughts were of characters and afternoons lying

And you, you were alive.

And I, I am alive.

I love my home.

Home

I am one matinee, 1/2 hour packing, cleaning, 1/2 a denny's fried mozzarella grilled cheese sandwich, dancing, drinking, skinny-dipping and a flight away from home.

Anxious much?

It's not that I don't love my job. I do, I do, I DO love my job. I get to be a number of movie stars, dammit. I am a woman, dressed as a man, with a pencilled on moustache...the DEFINITION of comedy. I have created a niche for myself like no other...

Female Drag Queen.

But it is time to climb the five flights to my wabbit warren mountain aerie and sleep in my own bed. Be with my loved ones. Go a little crazy.

And just be me.

Home, home, here I come.

Acceptance

I am a grown-up. Or at least I am a 12 -year-old gay boy trapped in a forty-seven year old woman's body, but you know what I mean.

I'm in an interesting position in life. There are three people who each like at least one of the others very much. The "at least" is because one of the three likes two of us. The "us" because I'm one of the people that only likes just one other. Do you know what I mean? I'm explaining it REALLY poorly, but basically...

The one person who likes us both cannot bear that I don't like the other person. And the other person doesn't like me...even more so. I mean really. And it would be okay if the one person could bear it. But they can't. We both have to love what they love. And I've tried to make a good show of it, but...nope. The good show has to be on two peoples' part and the other is just not playing. Has actually flipped the board.

Not everyone has to like everyone else. It really is okay. I think we all need to be respectful of one another but it can stop at that. Okay...how's about this? At least make it look like we're respectful?

I don't know.

Lost.

In my own bed soon. Yippeeeeeeeeeee....

living

It's your life. Live it with people who are alive. It tends to be contagious.

Peter McWilliams

living

If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, I will answer you: "I am here to live out loud.”

Emile Zola

Brat Mat

Better known as the student matinee. The much maligned performance we all have to give once in a while...at 10 am. An artist's nightmare. We have to get up before noon. We relive, as adults, the lack of acceptance we had at every age represented in the audience. We have actually all had pennies thrown at us at least once by the weasels. And since it is not in our purview to stop the show, continue we must. It is hell.

Except in Arizona.

They have somehow trained these kids not to act as if they're at a concert or at home watching tv...but at the theater. They are respectful and attentive. They follow the story. They do interact...but with US! In the very near future, 6 of us get to be rock stars for 2 hours and 15 minutes.

In Arizona.

I'll take it.

living

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Douglas Adams

living

I could not, at any age, be content to take my place in a corner by the fireside and simply look on.

Eleanor Roosevelt

living

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.

Angela Monet

Why Did I Think It Would Get Easier?

My friend Terry took his whole life (meant to write "own life" but "whole" works) on this date last year. Have I confined myself to my couch for 5 days with random trips to the fridge for TaB and stinky meats and cheeses again? No. Did I hurt like the dickens when I woke up this morning? Yes. Did I go back to sleep only to wake up and hurt like the dickens again? Yes. Did I go back...I won't tell you how many times that happened.

Tomorrow I climb a mountain in his honor. Those of you who know I missed a performance the other night because of an asthma attack might think this is a bad choice. But I will have inhaler on hand as well as clean mountain air. The climb is both an homage to Terry's final destination and...and...a tribute to Terry and the mountains he helped me scale for 28 years.

And good exercise so when I see him again he won't slam my slice of pound cake (slathered with chocolate sauce and whipped cream) on my thighs, all the while gleefully declaring, "Might as well manually apply it, Tizzy."

I love you. I miss you.

art

Art is science in the flesh. - Jean Cocteau

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead...

...is a phrase I have employed on numerous occasions.

I also believe it is a phrase I should retire at the tender, blossoming age of 47...JUST BECAUSE OF THE WAY I LOOK WHEN I FOLLOW THAT MAXIM.

I look like death. Not even warmed over. Cold, slimy, limp death... a touch dehydrated.

Don't know WHY I was tired. 8 shows in 5 days, followed by a drive to Phoenix, immediately followed by a drive and 37 hours in Vegas, immediately followed by a drive back to Phoenix in a HAIL STORM, immediately followed by a meet and greet, followed by shopping, followed by a 10 out of 12 and then followed by 6 performances (and 6 workouts) in 4 days, including an opening night party that included an after party that included swimming at 2 am. I probably would have been fine if I hadn't then somewhat moderated a talk back with some glorious senior citizen. (There were no mics so the poor press kid didn't stand a chance with the surly seniors.) I believe THAT is when I shot my wad.

Because I fell asleep onstage the final performance of the week.

Honest to Jesus, "Who am I? Where am I? Is this a book musical?" sleep.

And then I slept and watched movies and re-runs of Law and Order, SVU for 48 hours.

Today I feel pretty good. I died and I slept. Today I am living. We'll see how the rest of this week goes.

I'm a Pro-Masturbatory Witch...

and I went to Yale.

I'm me.

Christine O'Donnell didn't...and she thinks she's you.

Oh, Ben!

Oh, Ben! I know what you did last summer!

You think by hitting the delete button I won't see the little love letter you wrote? These blogs send their authors email updates when people comment.

"Ben has left a new comment on your post "Der Spaziergang by Marc Chagall":

A man much harder than you created that. Wikipedia Marc Chagall. He was Jewish in Europe in World War 2. Adversity enlightens, so I'll just assume your asshole trying to be Billy Badass. Too bad you don't know how to fight."

It was a really sweet email to wake up to, Bitch.*

I know who Marc Chagall is. And no, I'm not hard. Never have been.** Did you mean "heartier?"

You AsSume a lot. Yes, I do have an AsShole but neither it nor I have ever tried to be Billy BadAsS. I'm a pixie-faced pinhead and my AsShole is...well...just my AsShole. It does its job pretty well...most of the time.

So does my pixie-faced pinhead.

What concerns me about your comment, Ben, is...well...a number of things.

1. You actually played the Holocaust card*** on my blog. (That's what you meant by World War II. You had to because Marc Chagall was in the States for more of World War II than he was in Europe.)

2. You seem to find the Holocaust enlightening.

3. You think enlightenment makes a person hard and a fighter.

4. Your grammar is crap.

But really. What do I know, Ben? I don't know you, so who am I to comment?

Okay. That was fun. Have a nice day, Ben.

*Remember...never end a sentence with a preposition.

**But I was DRUNK when I retorted to the comment that Marc Chagall's painting was "GGGGAAAAAYYYY!" If we're all into AsSumptions today, I'm AsSuming you found that particular comment enlightening.

***And that's what it is when thrown down like this. When you write of genocide, and you will, don't use it to diss a trifle called TIZ AND ASS.

do

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. - Theodore Roosevelt

pleasure and pain

There is no pleasure without some degree of pain. There is no pain without some amount of pleasure. - Bhante Henepola Gunaratana,

Photo of the Week

Eggcentric

h/o/t BP

starving

Feel that you have enough, and your sense of hunger will diminish.

- Barbara Ann Kipfer

change

Nothing is ever over, it's just over there. -Carrie Fisher

friendship

It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?--Monty Python