Where in the World is TiZ and AsS

United States (US)	1,702
United Kingdom (GB)	82
Australia (AU)	43
Canada (CA)	31
Germany (DE)	27
India (IN)	27
France (FR)	20
Saudi Arabia (SA)	18
New Zealand (NZ)	8
Sweden (SE)	8
Egypt (EG)	7
Pakistan (PK)	7
Indonesia (ID)	7
Philippines (PH)	7
Italy (IT)	7
South Africa (ZA)	6
Ireland (IE)	6
United Arab Emirates (AE)	5
Turkey (TR)	5
Netherlands (NL)	5
Algeria (DZ)	5
Singapore (SG)	5
Malaysia (MY)	5
Qatar (QA)	3
Taiwan (TW)	3
Spain (ES)	3
Poland (PL)	3
Morocco (MA)	3
Russian Federation (RU)	3
Slovenia (SI)	3
Mexico (MX)	3
Europe (EU)	3
Switzerland (CH)	3
Romania (RO)	2
Tunisia (TN)	2
Iraq (IQ)	2
Serbia (RS)	2
Hungary (HU)	2
Slovakia (SK)	2
Jordan (JO)	2
Thailand (TH)	2
Denmark (DK)	2
Yemen (YE)	2
Argentina (AR)	2
Norway (NO)	2
Israel (IL)	2
Lithuania (LT)	2
Croatia (HR)	2
Kuwait (KW)	2
Finland (FI)	1
Brazil (BR)	1
Czech Republic (CZ)	1
Ukraine (UA)	1
Kenya (KE)	1
Ghana (GH)	1
Mali (ML)	1
Bahrain (BH)	1
Netherlands Antilles (AN)	1
Barbados (BB)	1
Guam (GU)	1
Honduras (HN)	1
Martinique (MQ)	1
Sudan (SD)	1
Venezuela (VE)	1
Iran, Islamic Republic of (IR)	1
Greece (GR)	1
Georgia (GE)	1
Colombia (CO)	1
Korea, Republic of (KR)	1
Senegal (SN)	1
Japan (JP)	1
Benin (BJ)	1
Cote D'Ivoire (CI)	1

I love this list. I have my little TIZ and AsS influence all OVER the world. Okay, they may only visit once. Okay, if they're from Arab-influenced countries where TiZ means hoo-hoo, they're thinking they're going to get something they definitely don't get. Okay, I actually don't recognize two of the countries at ALL. Guess which ones. Okay, I wish that the Chinese were allowed access.

But just LOOK. Me be happy weaving my interwebs all around the globe.

Should I do an entire post in Espiranto so everyone can understand?

kind words

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. - Mother Teresa

The Objectification of Betty White

This past year has seen a lot of the delicious, soon to be nonagenarian, Betty White.

And almost everything and everyone has her talking about sex.

STOP IT!

The most distressing was Saturday Night Live. Yes, she won an Emmy (as well she should have since she was running around by a 16 year old, revived their ratings and was brilliant), but the majority of the sketches were about sex. And it became EXHAUSTING. And we know I ain't no prude. At ALL.

I saw another movie recently where virtually every one of her scenes was about sex and or being randy at her age and I just wanted to yell, "STOP IT!" but I couldn't because my friend who was in the movie was two seats away. Plus, as we all know, it's really not nice to yell in the movie theater. Sometimes I do it anyway. Yes, sometimes I'm Rudy MdRuderson.

Okay...back to the point. I know everyone needs to get a gimmick, but Betty doesn't. This was one of the first women on tv, and the very first who had creative control over content.

That's why her final skit on SNL with Tina Fey was so absolutely brilliant. It was a delicious, clever, mind-fuck game between two ginormously talented women.

And it wasn't about sex.

Sex is the easy way. We can do better than that for Betty. We can honor her.

Can't we?

eternal nothingness

Eternal nothingness is okay if you're dressed for it.

- Woody Allen

pigtails and inkwells

Without our pigtails, the boys have nothing to dip in the inkwells...other than their dicks.--TiZ

AAAAAAAAAARGH!

A colleague of mine is fucking with me. I'd call Shim a friend but since Shim de-friended me on the Book of Face I can't do that anymore. Can't even call Shim an acquaintance.

And what kind of friend fucks with you?

Obviously, one who's been demoted to colleague.

But this time, out of the blue, months later, Shim involved a mutual friend...putting me in a position where I could hurt them. I didn't because the MF is miraculously cool (and 'twixt you and me, my 28 Bleaders, a bit whackadoodle) but it was close.

I don't need this. I don't need help. As we (you, my 28 Bleaders and I) know, I can do enough damage all on my very own, with a curtsy and a smile, thank you very much.

Aaaaaargh.

One less Christmas card to send, methinks.

Expectations

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.--Monty Python

Aunt Flo

If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?--Gloria Steinem

Who Wore It Best

My current employer had a fab fund-raiser this evening. Best eats, best music I's evah had at one of these here fancy schmancy thingamajigs. Well played. It really was quite gorgeous.

And I'm all dressed up in the ONE dress-up dress I brung. I looked cute.

And wearing the same dress? A 12-year-old from Summer On Stage, the education program.

Why Lord?

And instead of being embarrassed, because I am who I am (and probably a little bit tipsy am who I am), I run up to her, lifting my dress the entire journey, yelling, "Look, we're twins!"

Why Lord?

My moronability rose 20 points this evening.

Why Lord?

Expectations

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

- Dennis Wholey

lessons

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.--Mark Twain

National White Chocolate Day

September 22nd, yesterday, was National White Chocolate Day. And to that I pose the oft asked question,

WTF?

What is white chocolate? Does anyone like it? Does anyone eat it?

I believe it is a National Wax Association conspiracy to rid itself of surplus product.

What it most definitely is NOT is chocolate. To be labeled chocolate, a product must have cocoa solids from chocolate liquor (which is not alcohol). White chocolate does not have these solids. Therefore, I think it should be relabeled...

White Shite.

And thus, yesterday was National White Shite Day.

Celebrate good times, come on. It's a celebration.

Identity

Let TiZ be Tiz.--TiZ

Can you tell I watched a West Wing re-run this morning? Honestly, insert your name, Let ________ be _______ and see how you feel.

Exercise

Exercise is the yuppie version of bulimia.--Barbara Ehrenreich

My TaRot

says I'm in for some shit today.

FantAsStic.

Money

I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better.--Sophie Tucker

Something Else I Love Right Now

...actually...ALWAYS.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

I don't have cable in my flat in la citta so I have to partake of his glory online, and while glorious, it's still not a full-on, full frontal glory.

But I'm not in my flat right now, so I have cability.

And tonight his guest was Jimmy Carter. I admire Jimmy Carter for so many reasons...his candor, wisdom, joy, brute intelligence, deductive powers, self-effacing humor and sheer tirelessness. In ten days he turns 86, and he is out hawking the 23rd book he's penned since his presidency. 23rd. Come ON!

Was he a good President? An effective POTUS? Hells, no.

But damn, look at what he's done since. And he got all up in Fox News' junk...wheeee!

Okay...that's all. Just a few other things I love.

And the $4 yoga class I'm attending tomorrow. I'm AsSuming I'm gonna love that.

And the fact it's supposed to POUR tomorrow. Sweet Candy Christ. I know I'm gonna love that.

Moving Forward

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.--Walt Disney

Things I Love Right NOW

Enough Debbie Downer. Enough Wendy Whiner. Down with Calamity Jane.

A list of things I love, in no particular order, 'cause love is love...

The crew. Them I love A LOT.

My BIHH family.

My bathtub.

That the HOUSE season premiere is tonight. Wheee.

The pretty tree out my window.

Cable TV.

Being able to stream Netflix onto my computer that sits on the toilet while I bathe.

Pictures of my family.

Slatted blinds.

Air-conditioning.

Humidifiers.

Knowing all I have to do is walk five feet and I'll have someone to play with.

Knowing all I have to do is close my blinds and I have myself to play with.

Coloring books.

Yoga.

Performing.

Writing.

Generous friends.

The South Beach Diet.

The GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO series.

Slap-dash orthotics.

Horoscopes.

Kittens and candy.

There's more...obviously. But that's all for now.

Rigmarole, Fol de Rol and Outlets

You all know when I write it's more about me, right? It's, in fact, all about me. What I write says more about me and my current state of mind and soul than anything I'm commenting on.

Okay...I'm a hard-AsS.

My life is spent on the road. More often than not, half my year is spent away from my home and my loved ones. This, and the fact I'm a maniac, has killed many a relationship.

By nature of my business, I am told where I'll be living, if I'll have a bathtub, if I'll have a car, who I'll share the car with, when I go to the supermarket (sometimes), how much room I'll have in a fridge, and who will be my friends for the next couple of weeks or months. I now also have to put a security deposit on an apartment that I don't get to pick out.

I have no control over anything...other than how I react.

That's just the social/personal aspect of the whole kit and kaboodle. Sometimes where I'm living is gorgeous. Sometimes there's a bathtub. Sometimes I get to live in a city near a friend and her new family. Sometimes I love the people I'm working and driving with, Bitch.* This is one of those times. They are keepers, each and every one.

But this can get old. At least for me. I think a lot of it has to due with the fact I'm getting old. I LOVE to work, don't get me wrong. I fucking LOVE what I do. My time onstage gets me through a lot of la vida's shenanigans and I'm always grateful for the opportunity.

But change is hard. Especially when you're the type of person who cried when her parents changed the upholstery on the dining chairs. Don't you know, they saved a swatch of it for me.

They were wise.

I know I am responsible for 100% of my life. I'm even pretty sure I was responsible for the strange suckiness of tonight's audience. Honestly, I was the laugh vacuum...with great sucking power.

I am responsible for 100% of my life. I have invited all of this, shaken its hand and said, "Howdydo, partner."

Now...what to do with it?

Your feedback is always welcome. Especially when it results in an apology, and a reassessment (both situational and textual) from me.

See...it IS all about me. (Somewhere there is an emoticon for that, but hells if I know what/where it's at.*)

*Remember, never end a sentence with a preposition, Bitch.**

**That Bitch was for good measure.