Ass and Order

The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.

Things not to say to your girlfriend…unless you want her to cease and desist all girlfriend activity, in which case, go for it. Really. See what happens.

1. Americans are stupid.

2. Are you stupid?

3. You only pay the $6 entry if you want. But I’m paying $20 and seeing the whole shebang.

4. Taste this (when it’s nasty).

5. Why are Americans so fat?

6. Lose weight and you’d be a star.

7. I’m afraid you might find the Jarmusch film abstruse.

8. I’ll text you.

And guys…never utter all these gems, in this order, in the space of nine hours. Not that this ever happened to the Tiz. I’m just sayin…