A Fallen Idol

Okay...so this is where you learn to hate me...if you haven't learned that lesson already.

It's my little story about watching tv and seeing Oprah and the Monkey Lady.*

You all remember the Monkey Lady, right? She went to help her friend in Stamford Connecticut corral her liquored and drugged up chimp who was running amok. What did she get for her pains? Near death. No hands. No face.

I know I'm sounding callous. I'm feeling callous. Oprah made me that way.

Now, many had, since hearing this really strange information on the news, joked about it.

#1 Sometimes (okay...most times) joking and laughing is easier than dealing with painful reality.

#2 The reality was someone in Stamford Connecticut kept a 200 pound chimpanzee as a "companion" and let it drink wine and sleep with her. Sounds like a date to me. Did they monkey around?

#3 Yeah. 200 pound chimp. You think chimp and you think little and cute. Chimps are part of the gorilla family, my friends.

#3 On aforementioned tragic day, the chimp was a little rambunctious so she gave it a Xanax.

Always a good choice.

What?

But this broad isn't the one I call Monkey Lady. Monkey Lady is the tragic, innocent friend who came to help. And was attacked by the whacked out chimp.

And this is why I now dislike Oprah.

Oprah had her on the show for the big reveal. Seems there had been a "bounty" for Monkey Lady's photograph and the woman wanted to reveal her face on her own terms.

Seems she must have contacted the Oprah Show.

Seems the Oprah Show didn't wish to reveal until well past the half hour mark. They will say it was to "humanize" Monkey Lady before the reveal. Get to know her. All the while with banners running along the bottom essentially saying something akin to "You might not wanna watch this. May freak you out."

Oy.

Seemed like a well-paced Michael Crichton novel. Well done and oh-so-slick.

If you didn't watch, Monkey Lady doesn't have a face. Or hands. Or eyes. She does have one thumb. If she could see and/or feel the devestation she might not recover. I, in my infinite Tizdom, think she's still in shock and that waiting a little while longer might have been a good idea because...

OPRAH USED A TISSUE THAT HAD BEEN IN HER OWN FREAKING HANDS TO BLOT MONKEY LADY'S CHEEK SAYING, "YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE."

Are you shitting me?

Great idea, OpE. Touch someone--who still has what look to be open wounds and must be immuno-compromised--with a tissue that's been in your hand. DURING FLU SEASON.

Wise wise choice.

I sure as shit hope you paid Monkey Lady a LOT of money.

And don't write me that Oprah probably checked with the physicians before hand because then that moment was completely staged WHICH MAKES ME EVEN ANGRIER.

Hate me yet?

*Her name is Charla Nash. I get the feeling she's a pretty righteous dame. I used the monkey moniker in the post, because...well...it reveals the foolishness and hubris of Oprah's actions.