Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Happy MotherF*&^%R Day

I guess I'm not a holiday person. I'll do it. But unless it's TiZ DaY...will someone get to work on that?

I love my mother, aka NaNa. And as she put it, she just got Happy Mother's Two Weeks, so she wasn't so offended when I got my arse on a train back to NY early the official day of.

The train trip? Felt like two weeks.

'Cause some arse had given their toddler a penny whistle.

Let me repeat that.

Someone gave their toddler a penny whistle.

One more time.



Some arse missed Parenting 101. And it's a Pass/Fail Course. You have to REALLY be off to screw it up.

Metro North seems to bring out the bad behavior in everyone. Or is it just holidays? Or is it the magical mix of holidays and Metro North? But some other arse let their child scream for an hour. When I went to the WC on the train (not suggested) I found that they child was in his stroller...across the aisle from his parents...facing away from them. I played with him for ten minutes. He stopped crying. For ten minutes. I left. He cried 'til he got off the train. It didn't make me feel any better that the crying stopped on the train because I figured he was probably crying wherever he was in the Universe.

Strangely, the crying was a more pleasant sound than the penny whistle.

Unnatural parenting on both parts.

So needless to say, the idea of attending a baby shower the next day was daunting.

It's a name-free zone here at T&A but my friends, starting this venture late in life, who are debunking the myth of pregnancy one Facebook status update at a time, call swaddling a "baby burrito," and tell friends, "Don't worry. Someone will love it." They made it all better. They're real. They care. I don't think they're doing it for any other reason than they love one another, had sex and LOOK! There's an alien growing.

They laugh a lot.

This will be a happy baby.

And I believe I will be happy to ride Metro North with this family of three any day of the year.

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